| Abbreviations | Meaning |
 | UBI | Unexplained Beer Injury |
| FPO | For Practice Only (FTD) |
| GUCCI | Genito-Urinary Clinc, Chlamydial Infection (posh Female With Sexually Transmitted Chlamydial Infection) |
| DBI | Dirt Bag Index: Number Of Tattoos X Number Of Missing Teeth = Days Since The Patient Last Bathed |
| MCBP | Member Of The College Of Bystander Physicians I.e. Doctor Having A Look-see |
| BUNDY | But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet |
| FITH | F*cked In The Head |
| TARFU | Things Are Really F*cked Up |
| SFSF | Sphincter Factor Scale: 1 To 10 Scale Indicating Degree Of Bowel-loosening In Response To An Emergency |
| FABIANS | Felt Awful But I'm Alright Now Syndrome |
| FTF | Failed To Fly (botched Suicide) |
| FUPA | Fat Upper Pussy Area |
| GDA | Gonna Die Anyway |
| RTTL | Running Towards The Light - Dying |
| P4P | Penicillin For Prick (peniecille For Penile Discharge) |
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