| Abbreviations | Meaning |
 | MU PAIN | Made Up Pain (especially For Sick Notes And Insurance Claims) |
| DUB | Damn Ugly Baby |
| EI | Eating In - Intravenous Feeding |
| NFS | Neuro-faecal Syndrome - Sh*t For Brains |
| CPM | Calcified Penisitis Morbidium - Male Patient Whose Ailment Is Due To Excessive Or Unprotected Sex |
| DENTIST | Doesn't Even Need Treatment - It's Sorted, Truly |
| NGMI | Not Going To Make It |
| PPP | Piss Poor Protoplasm |
| DILF | Doctor I'd Like To F*** (Fornicate With): Nursing Slang For Good-looking Doctor |
| CAT6 | Triage Is Cat 1 (major) To Cat 5 (minor) So Cat 6 Means A Timewaster |
| TMI | Three Meaningless Initials (e.g. John Smith, TMI - Applied To Medics With Qualifications Rather Than Ability) |
| ETOH | Extremely Trashed Or Hammered (2 Derivations Given: Corruption Of "Etho" [ethanol Addict] Or From "EtOH" [chemistry Abbreviation For Ethanol]) |
| APTFRAN | Apply Pillow To Face, Repeat As Necessary (for Annoying Patient) |
| FTF | Failed To Fly (botched Suicide) |
| IW | Insurance Whiplash - Neck Pain Secondary To A Minor Car Bump |
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